i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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