I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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