Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
