just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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