I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
