I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
