so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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