if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's the barista slut.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
