You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
