She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
