I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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