Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
