If that was your dad, he is hot
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
