Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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