Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
