I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
