So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
