When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
