I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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