bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hippo gnu deer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am available for nakedness
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