How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
