I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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