Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
