u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
