I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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