What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
