How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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