im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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