upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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