did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
