You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
