that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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