So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
