You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
