I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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