I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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