Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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