That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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