I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
