can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
