The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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