don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize