Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
