Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
