Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
