dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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