WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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