I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN