If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla