I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion