We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
