Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?

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  (407): Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/5o5f
  Replies (33) Good night (855) Bad night (12447)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.

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  (205): just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed. http://tfl.nu/2764
  Replies (47) Good night (6324) Bad night (2048)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.

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  (606): how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked. http://tfl.nu/j1kr
  Replies (20) Good night (1124) Bad night (4695)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.

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  (216): I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting. http://tfl.nu/kqku
  Replies (29) Good night (4168) Bad night (974)
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  (914): View more from New York

  my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip

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  (914): my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip http://tfl.nu/6k4u
  Replies (11) Good night (1609) Bad night (4695)
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?

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  (310): I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow? http://tfl.nu/cjjr
  Replies (6) Good night (3350) Bad night (993)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.

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  (504): Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high. http://tfl.nu/srpn
  Replies (11) Good night (4848) Bad night (739)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns

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  (509): Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns http://tfl.nu/s30q
  Replies (11) Good night (1789) Bad night (748)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.

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  (603): I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/suqz
  Replies (2) Good night (1584) Bad night (535)
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  (483): View more from

  Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?

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  (483): Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she? http://tfl.nu/qpva
  Replies (7) Good night (890) Bad night (1479)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

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  (508): she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking. http://tfl.nu/8dis
  Replies (15) Good night (633) Bad night (3573)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  "Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.

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  (314): "Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high. (1-314): When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic. http://tfl.nu/714c
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (320)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.

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  (303): Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor. http://tfl.nu/urne
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (334)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome! 

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  (330): At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!  http://tfl.nu/byi2
  Replies (1) Good night (344) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP

  (207): View more from Maine

  Do we still have any pizza left from last night?

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  (207): CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP (207): Do we still have any pizza left from last night? http://tfl.nu/ytp9
  Replies (10) Good night (593) Bad night (385)

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