Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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