So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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