I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
