im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
