I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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