I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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