I'm going to jail i love you
bring money and cleavage
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
