Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
