"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
