Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
