He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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