Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize