We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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