He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
