i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
