I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
