a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
