Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
