I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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