yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
