Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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