Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
