I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drake has all the answers
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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