Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
