she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
