She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
