Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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