you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
