I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
