was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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