**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
